International Women's Day

Dear users, dear authors,
today is International Women's Day. How do you mark the occasion?

We used to celebrate it at work. Our male colleagues would treat us ladies to coffee and cake. Those were the days.

Now I live in Baden-Württemberg.

Today is just a day like any other. I have plenty of flowers at home. We just congratulate each other.

Best regards, Gabi 

Honestly, to this day I still don’t know what to make of this day. It was never really something I thought about before, and I wouldn’t see it as a public holiday, because unfortunately there are still plenty of women in this world who can’t stand up for a self-determined life. So there’s still a lot of work to be done, and as long as that’s the case, I don’t see it as a public holiday.

Best regards, Inge

That’s right—back in the days of the GDR, this was celebrated in a big way at work. Afternoon coffee and cake, and every time you’d get these little flowers to pin on your clothes. A different one every year. I used to save and collect them.
Unfortunately, those flowers got lost during all the moves.

Today is just a workday for me. I wouldn’t really consider it a holiday either.

But… the women residents at our care home each received a rose today, and everyone—including us caregivers—got a glass of punch. A buffet was set up for us, featuring cold cuts, salmon, scrambled eggs, fried eggs, fruit, meatballs, small sausages, something sweet with strawberries, and much more. I was absolutely stuffed.
So the nursing home really went all out. Hats off to them!

If it weren’t reported on, I wouldn’t even know about it.

For me, it’s a day just like any other.

To be honest, I’ve never really been a fan of all these “celebratory” days…
Women’s Day, Children’s Day, Vegetarian Day, Arbor Day, Coming Out Day, World Laughter Day… and so on and so forth…
I think it should be normal every single day to protect trees, to have come out, to laugh, to respect the rights of others…
So, in my opinion, there’s nothing to celebrate or congratulate anyone on, but everyone else is free to see it differently and handle it their own way (how about a “Day of Different Opinions and Their Acceptance” 😉)

Isn’t it rather sad that we need special days to remind us of things that should be taken for granted? How long has International Women’s Day actually been around? And what tangible improvements has it actually brought about?
Globally speaking, women’s rights still have a long way to go, and even here in the Western and oh-so-progressive “crown of civilization,” there’s still unequal pay for equal work, and women’s shelters aren’t exactly standing around unused.

I think International Women’s Day is extremely important. I’m a self-proclaimed feminist, and I’m sorry to say: there’s still so much work to be done! When it comes to women’s right to self-determination—think abortion laws—or violence against women and children, or even issues like the gender pay gap, I wouldn’t even know where to start. I’d even go so far as to say that a world with only women as heads of state might be better off.

We must continue to expose and eradicate toxic masculinity in all its forms.

International Women’s Day—and this is unfortunately often misunderstood—is NOT a holiday like Mother’s Day or anything like that. It’s not about flowers!

It’s about women and children being able to feel safe on this planet—even when naked among a group of men.

I want to feel safe when I have to walk alone at night from a parent-teacher conference down two dark streets to my car, without having to check beforehand whether I’ve packed my pepper spray.

My daughter is 11 years old now. I’m thinking about signing her up for a) a dance class and b) a self-defense class, and I’m already terrified that one day, when she’s 16, she might not come home.

This simply has to stop! Here and everywhere else in the world. Genital mutilation, forced marriage, prostitution—all of this is violence against women, and it happens here and worldwide.

And as long as all of this isn’t right, there needs to be an International Women’s Day—and of course, it mustn’t be watered down or reduced to a pale imitation of Mother’s Day.

I don’t want special offers or discounts either. I want to sleep soundly when my daughter is out late. I want it to be second nature for men not to touch anything they aren’t explicitly allowed to touch.

I could write so much more on this, but I think my point is clear!

International Women’s Day is important for every girl and every woman on this planet.

Best regards,
Sonja

Here's how it looks!

I can already see that misunderstandings keep coming up on this topic. So first of all: feminism is not evil. It basically stands for human rights and, above all, women’s rights and women’s interests. After centuries in which only men were considered human beings (before God and the law), I think that’s pretty legitimate.

I never claimed that women are “better” than men. I merely suspect that a feminist foreign policy based on de-escalation and humanism would do all the countries of this world good.

Women are primarily victims of violence. That women can also be perpetrators is sad, but true. But they, too, were victims before that—victims of patriarchal violence and of an image of women that degrades women as second-class people. This phenomenon also exists among some abuse victims who become perpetrators later in life. The psychological background
often also causes victims to blame themselves and even defend perpetrators.

For several years now, a social discourse has been grappling with toxic masculinity, identifying toxic patterns in certain behavior associated with male violence that do no good either to the man or to anyone else involved. You can read something about it here: Link removed. Mod.

It starts as early as elementary school. I don’t know where you all live, but my son regularly has trouble with boys who, even at elementary-school age, display exactly this toxic-masculine behavior, precisely because he actually isn’t like that either! Just take a look at the soccer fields: you can observe it there every Saturday ;).

At the same time, that does not mean that all men behave toxically or that I have anything against men. Or that we humans cannot go through life gentle, kind, and safe and sound. ;)
We do that here too, after all. But look at the crime statistics—there really are problems simmering nastily beneath the perfect-world surface, and in part they find their ideological superstructure in a toxic-masculine worldview—in various gradations, of course.

Within these toxic-masculine structures, violent assaults with explicitly masculine motives occur regularly, aimed solely at the oppression and humiliation of women. This reaches its peak in the group of so-called incels. ( More on that here: Link removed, Mod.)

But before this goes too far—I'm happy to endorse your closing sentence—I see myself as a feminist first and foremost as a humanist ;).

“only when finally EVERYONE is seen and treated as equal can the world become better. Regardless of gender, skin color, nationality.”

- > But that means there is still quite a bit to do before women are truly regarded as equal and kept safe. It may be that in your personal experience it has not yet happened that you or your children have experienced violence—be glad!—but it happens every day. And that is only one part of the agenda that International Women’s Day stands for. Your daughter may also be quite glad that she would be allowed to have an abortion in our country, should she ever be in such a situation.

I always get the impression that many people resist this concept of feminism so much because they believe feminism excludes everything else or even demonizes men. The opposite is true! Feminism simply includes women, who have been more or less forgotten in human history, in all their incredible diversity and for the freedom to decide for themselves how, where, and with whom they want to live their lives.

Men are regularly annoyed by it, along the lines of “you can’t even make a joke anymore.” But certain jokes weren’t funny 50 years ago either. Today we have the right to report someone for improper behavior (a slap on the butt, a hand grabbing the crotch...). THAT is something I find enormously important, because not everyone has understood it yet.

It’s nice for you and your daughters that you haven’t had to have experiences like that yet—I could actually tell you about many of my own experiences and those of female friends that make clear how much we need feminism.

On the one hand, feminism is about supporting one another as women and breaking down exactly the barriers that have held us back so far, but also about breaking open and questioning entrenched, patriarchal (thought) structures.

Well, and there really is still a lot to do. Unfortunately, “oh, don’t get so worked up, it’s not that bad” just doesn’t cut it. Sadly, we are still a long way from your closing sentence.

Best regards,
Sonja

Please don't include external links in your posts. I'll have to remove them.

All right, I didn’t realize that about the links ;). But you can just Google “toxic masculinity” and “incel” and read up on them.

Good night,
Sonja

ACTUALLY, I usually prefer to stay out of controversial topics like this—precisely because there are so many misunderstandings and hard feelings. But I would still like to share my opinion on it. 

In general, there really are still differences in how men and women are treated. 
As a young mother, the “mental load,” which is often discussed these days, comes to mind. 
(In short: Women now often work just as much as men, but they still take care of all the “mental work” at home. Women schedule all the appointments, know who has to do what and when, and men just carry out the tasks. (If at all.)
The same goes for the issue of unequal pay. 
These problems do exist, yes. But—and this is an important point—it is in our hands. 
No woman HAS TO think of everything at home. Every family decides for itself how to divide up the tasks.
No woman is forced to sign an employment contract. Women can negotiate their salary just as men can.
Women are just often more reserved about it (which, in my opinion, is mainly a matter of upbringing). The man says, “I want €5,000!” and ends up getting €4,000. The woman says, “Yeah... around €3,200 would be quite nice...” and ends up with €3,000. 

Legally, we ARE equal. 
It is up to us women to put that into practice and demand it. 
People are creatures of habit. Most people are simply used to the traditional division of roles. Of course, many men have no interest in changing anything about that. That is why we have to stand up for ourselves. 
Not only on International Women’s Day (which I don’t think is bad... It’s just stupid that it has become commercialized by now, too. That makes it seem ridiculous), but EVERY day. 
Of course, it doesn’t help if some men hand us a bouquet of flowers and the next day everything is back to the way it was before. Like the motto: “Here, you’ve got your obligatory flowers. You can go back to vacuuming tomorrow. Thanks.” That is exactly the opposite of what should be achieved. 

Although I am “feminist” in some respects, I do NOT think that we women now have any kind of special entitlement just because our ancestors messed things up in that regard.
We don’t need to “take revenge” on future generations of men for what our ancestors did wrong.

I am in favor of EQUAL rights. From the very beginning. 
It does not start with salary negotiations or the like, but right in infancy. 
We need to move away from the division into pink and blue. Away from separate toy departments, away from “girls’ hobbies” and “boys’ hobbies,” away from the strong and the weak sex,...
If we manage to treat our children equally, then one day they will live in a world of adults with equal rights.
We need to teach our daughters that they, too, can stand up for themselves, and our sons that they, too, are allowed to be loving and “gentle.” 
Everything else is just treating the symptoms. 
(If I may mention a book recommendation here, in case anyone is interested in the topic: “Prinzessinnenjungs” by Nils Pickert. I’m almost finished with it and I’m really impressed!)

By the way, I would like to express my thanks to Crazypatterns here: You don’t divide the baby and children’s category into boys and girls. I think that’s great! :) 

I don’t want to go into the topics of violence and mutilation, because I don’t have enough psychological, statistical, and cultural background to want to make a statement about them.

This has turned out longer than I wanted.
In short: I think International Women’s Day is great—in its original meaning! And if you live by the topic for the rest of the year, too. 
But I hope that someday we will be beyond that and no longer divide the world into “men” and “women.” 

So, I wish you all a happy World Kidney Day / Popcorn Lovers’ Day :D
(Just quickly googled what today is...)

Dear Krea_Tina,

you’re bringing up a lot of things that I would agree with exactly as you said them! There is so much in the lives and experiences of women and mothers that still needs to be done! The thing about mental load and the gender pay gap—yep, that is a huge issue, and I see it exactly the same way! The same goes for assigning genders to “blue” and “pink.” My son already had negative experiences with that in first grade that could bring tears to your eyes!

That is exactly what I mean: freedom for boys and men too—away from the traditional model of masculinity that demands strength, superiority, and coolness from men.

Even and especially “Indians” feel pain!

You write:
In some respects I do have a “feminist” attitude, but I am NOT of the opinion that we women now have a privilege in anything just because our ancestors messed things up in that regard.
We do not need to “take revenge” on future generations of men for what our ancestors did wrong.

I see it exactly the same way! Feminism is often accused of simply wanting to turn the tables and thinking women are the better people. *sigh*

That is not the case! And I would never claim anything like that either.

But it is often misunderstood, especially by men who are afraid of losing their previous position of dominance on DAX executive boards and in politics. Of course there are many great men there too, but there are also the supervisory boards and executive boards that meet in Brazilian brothels at company expense. It has all happened before!

Of course, within feminist research there are various currents, all with more or less radical demands. The field is confusing. But no one seriously demands matriarchy as a social countermodel to the status quo, or that men should be disadvantaged in any way. They should simply make room where they have not made any before.

I think it is a shame that, as a feminist, the first thing you have to do is distance yourself from that before you can even start talking. What it is about: self-determination, equal worth, freedom from violence, safety.

We have too few women’s shelters, just to give one example. Many rape victims still have to put up with questions from the police about what they were wearing, etc.
We are paid less because we are women. We do most of the unpaid care work and receive less pension (including the chance of fewer pension points—that is structurally determined; you can be as hardworking as you like and toil away your whole life!)

We also still have patriarchal structures that are so firmly established that they seem completely normal to us. Because we are allowed to vote, work, and drive cars.

But that is still far from everything.

At least the federal cabinet has just lifted the ban on providing information about abortions—a small, incredibly important step.

In closing, I would like to add that I think we basically do agree. We are just aware of this issue in different ways because of our experiences. The problems I mentioned do exist, though, and they are only a small part of the whole.

Every day, as a woman, as a mother, as an entrepreneur, I work to make the world better in this sense—for all four of my children, my two sons and my two daughters.


Best wishes,
Sonja

Yes—the “light blue vs. pink” issue is something many adults still fall into.
Unfortunately, certain manufacturers fuel this trend and “convince”—especially parents—that boys should wear the olive-green dragon T-shirt and girls the pink princess blouse.

The Pinkstinks website addresses this topic.

It’s all too easy to fall into that trap yourself :)

When someone in your circle is expecting a baby, one of the first questions is: “So, what’s it going to be?”
And the answer then determines what kind of gift you’ll receive.

And I have to honestly admit that I myself struggle with the very topic I’m preaching about here.
  Leo loves pink. And he loves glitter. And unicorns and princesses.
Especially when buying shoes, it’s a real nightmare for me because I know he’d rather have the “pink glitter rubber boots” than the plain ones.
I’ve decided to let him choose for himself (the design, of course—he’d love nothing more than to run around in sandals in the dead of winter…), but I catch myself steering him away from the TOO pink items in the store.
Not because I don’t like them or think they’re too “unmanly,” but because I’m afraid of the reactions.

Sonja writes about it, too: kids can be mean.
  Your son was apparently laughed at in first grade (!!) because he had something pink, or what?
Just think about that… Because of a color!!

We had our first experiences when he wasn’t even half a year old. He had a pink pacifier.
It just came in the package, and he didn’t care.
Even at that age, people were already making comments… “Huh, isn’t that a boy?!” Yeah… and it’s just a pacifier. It doesn’t hurt him…

It’s not an easy topic… Which makes it all the more important to be aware of the issue and for us adults to stop dictating to kids what they’re supposed to like.

But sorry—I didn’t mean to distract from the actual topic (International Women’s Day) :) 

I can't really agree with the blue-and-pink thing. I raised three daughters, and yes, they also had pink clothes, but blue ones too, even as babies. My youngest granddaughter hates everything pink and sparkly; even on her First Communion day she wore jeans and a blue shirt under the liturgical robe. I raised my daughters as people; the eldest even trained as a seamstress after working as a clerk.
I have the feeling that men are much more in need of catching up on emancipation than we women are.
When, like me, you've grown up among three brothers, you have a different view of men anyway and know how to handle them.

Best, Inge

I’ll address this:

Sonja says it too: kids can be mean. 
Your son was apparently laughed at in first grade (!!) because he had something pink, right? 
Just think about that... Because of a color!!


So here’s what happened: My son couldn’t find his shoes that morning. It was stressful, so I gave him his older sister’s old ones. They’re only 1.5 years apart, so the size fit.

These shoes were light gray sneakers. There was a tiny brand logo in light pink on them. My son refused at first, but since he was running out of time, he ended up heading out in them.

Ten minutes later, he came back in tears and put on his rubber boots, saying he couldn’t possibly go to school in girls’ shoes.

I should add that he’s in a totally rowdy class with far more boys than girls. Most of them—especially in a group—are real little show-offs and very concerned with being cool and “manly.” Scuffles are the order of the day there, as are torn pants and fights.

I’ve had to pick up my son several times over the course of his four years in elementary school, for various reasons. My daughters—never!

This whole masculinity issue is one that doesn’t do the boys any good. It puts them under a lot of pressure, and they’re far too busy being cool instead of being human. Among boys, this also has a completely different meaning than when I look at my girls and their friends. They have entirely different issues.

Yes, I’d also say: It’s above all the boys we need to do something for, because the old images of masculinity no longer fit.

Best regards,
Sonja

It’s true that hardly anyone gets upset when girls wear something blue or dark colors, but woe betide any boy who likes pink or glitter! 
And yet, more than 100 years ago, it was exactly the opposite: blue was the color for girls (because the Virgin Mary was usually depicted in a blue cloak) and red was the color for boys (or pink for little boys) as a symbol of strength. It wasn’t until the trend of sailor suits that this changed. Very few people know that.