Today I’m feeling curious and asking silly questions :-) Something I’ve always wanted to know!

Dear everyone,
I was thinking—maybe there are things you’ve always wanted to know, perhaps related to Crazypatterns or to some kind of craft technique, where you worry that if you ask the question, everyone will realize how inexperienced you are. But not asking doesn’t help either—I’d stay just as (un)informed as ever—so I’m going to start with my first silly question.
When I look at a shop here, there are various things to read at the top under the shop name, including “Follow.” What does that actually do? Do I get some special information that others don’t see? Or is it just there to make the shop owners happy? If it’s about making them happy, then I’d be willing to follow a few shops… And if there are any great things to see that I’ve been missing out on so far, then I’d do that too…

Hi iglinz,
“Follow” is a free feature that ensures you stay up to date on the patterns from the authors you follow.
It’s just an informational feature. You’ll find them on your dashboard, which you can access via Account → Dashboard or here via this link.
https://www.crazypatterns.net/de/users/dashboard
Scroll down to “New products from subscribed users ,” and there you’ll find the patterns from the authors you follow.
I just clicked “Follow” on your profile. Don’t be surprised. :- )

Oh, yay, my following just doubled :-) Thanks! And thanks for answering my question, too—I’m going to start clicking around like crazy now and see what happens :-)

Awesome!

It’s nice to be able to make someone happy. :-)

And what happens if I follow you?

That made me smile. I think your enthusiasm is great. If you follow Josefa, you can be sure not to miss her first pattern.

I’m following her now, too. It’s actually a nice way to show our moderator some appreciation for her work.

I still need to think about my question. I’m pretty sure something like that is floating around somewhere in my head, but I tend to push things like that aside and forget them relatively quickly. 

Well, I’m going to follow Josefa now so I don’t miss a thing!

Thanks to my “followers.” :-) You’re sweet.
It’ll be about 360 years before I post my first pattern. I still have to work it all out first. :-)

Hahaha… I really have to laugh now :-)

Birgit, hardly anyone can follow us, though in our case that’s never for technical reasons. Do we now have a serious problem? Or rather the ones who can’t follow us? I have a small following too, but that doesn’t make me feel any more successful^^.
I’m going to follow Josefa too, in the hope of somehow successfully surviving the next 360 years. Consequently, I’m not giving up hope.

Wishing you all a positively momentous day... I’m crocheting :-)

Oh, we’ll easily manage that with our 360 years. I’ll soon have found the Philosopher’s Stone—I just need to watch all the Harry Potter movies a few more times. I’ll share it with all of you then ;-)) So, Josefa, you see, you won’t get off that easily. Start practicing crochet now :-))

Oh, you know how it is.
A little moon landing now and then, winter has to be prepared for, laundry has to be done, etc., etc. Always something to do.

The beginning of my very first crochet pattern is done.

***Please imagine drumrolls and fanfares yourselves. The forum is not technically equipped for that.***

I’d love to come up with a great title for it, including the type of craft and the model to be made. Unfortunately, I’m not yet sure where this journey is going, so I can’t provide any model details.

***Working title: Crochet for the Clumsy***

Take a little time for yourself in the evening; you deserve it.
Buy a ball of yarn in your favorite color. Don’t let anyone talk you into buying untwisted potholder yarn; it’s not suitable for beginners. It will only cost you the fun of crocheting—at least that’s how it was for me. It took me a long time to find my way back to crocheting. Without the motivation from the CP authors and users, I wouldn’t have found my way back to crocheting at all. Um, thanks. You have to treat yourself somehow.

Look in your yarn basket for a matching crochet hook. Those are the ones with the hook on the front. That way the stitch can’t slip off, as it would with knitting. ***Major advantage.***

Once you’ve found the crochet hook, rescue the ball of yarn from the clutches of the cat. If the cat has gotten badly tangled, you may have to use the scissors. Another trip to the yarn shop should therefore be planned. Apparently you can spend a lot of money there. I usually invest spare money in chocolate, but yarn apparently lasts longer, and it also doesn’t give you hip padding / a spare tire / love handles.

Okay, so, here we go.

Crochet a cast-on. There are great videos about that on YouTube. In the patterns on Crazypatterns, the cast-on is always described nicely too. I just don’t have the words for it.
Crochet a foundation chain. The cat should not be crocheted into it. Give the cat a new toy mouse as a distraction. That won’t be enough to keep the cat away from your project, but at least you tried. ***A clear conscience makes a soft pillow.***

Once you’ve crocheted a respectable foundation chain, you can take a break. You worked hard. Congratulations. You may eat the chocolate.

The continuation of the pattern will be available at a time currently unknown to me. I wouldn’t bet on it, though.

I have to get some work done now. Enough dawdling. :- )

I’m cracking up... great blog post... hahahaha

Hahahaaaaaa ..... In any case, she’s already proven her talent for amusing writing. And luckily, those of us following along can’t possibly miss Part 2 in 360 years.

Well, Claudia, depending on the context, I do like to claim that anyone who can’t follow us has only themselves to blame. But I have to admit, it might perhaps have at least a little to do with our tendency toward cynicism paired with irony and a tiny pinch of sarcasm. The proportions somehow have to be right, after all.
But really, I shouldn’t say anything at all. After all, I’m the one whose name is written in golden letters on the sign for all kinds of hoses and long pipes.
I’m always happy when someone pushes me down from there.

:-D

Oh my gosh, Josefa,

I’m rolling with laughter right now and eagerly waiting to see how your pattern continues.... Please, please don’t make me wait too long...

A fan in WAITING MODE ;-)

Hi Josefa,
you’ve already got the most important stuff down! It’s clear you’ve learned a lot (from us?).
I’m also eagerly waiting to see how things unfold.
Ruth
P.S. Couldn’t we turn this into a forum game?

@ Birgit,

I’m always happy to give you a nudge^^

^@Birgit,
why are you in 1st place?

I thought I was at the top^^

Oh oh.....
I think this thread could have far-reaching consequences *giggle*

Hi, I’m dying of laughter right now… this sounds like a bestseller… “Crochet for Beginners—What You Absolutely Need to Know”
Just brilliantly written… you should keep going, and the craft publishers will be fighting over the chance to publish it… I’ll bet anything on it… I’d definitely buy it.

Best regards, Andreas

I’d be laughing so hard I wouldn’t get any crocheting done.

I’d have one problem, though: I don’t have a cat.
So that part of the pattern would be out of the question.

But maybe sparrows, great tits, and blue tits could help me out.

“Crochet for Beginners—Everything You Always Wanted to Know but Were Afraid to Ask” or “The Crochet Hook—The Unknown Creature”

I’m cracking up! Haha

Thanks for the compliments. :-)

You’re up.
Who will write the next section of “Crochet for Beginners”?
Just pick up where I left off. You can replace the cat with tits and sparrows—that’s no problem.

Who’s up for it? Get started. It’ll be wonderful. <\/strong><\/u><\/em>

Awesome! I skipped the part about the cat because I don’t have one, but the foundation chain is done. Now I get to eat chocolate—those are my favorite patterns :-)

Our messages crossed—that wasn’t the continuation yet!
So now we continue:
After you’ve eaten the chocolate (please make sure nothing is left), please go wash your hands. It’s hot, and you have chocolate stuck to your hands. There’s something stuck around your mouth too, but that doesn’t matter right now.

:-)

Ha ha ha... Josefa, you’re a blast! :-D
Just great!




.......... Even at the risk of setting off another avalanche of puns, I have one more question about “following”:
Now that I know where I can see the new patterns from the authors I follow—where can I see how many followers I have myself?

In the dashboard, on the right: subscribers. See, I’m not that dumb after all :-)

Shall we continue with “Crochet for Beginners”?

You should keep that chocolate by your mouth in reserve as comfort food, because there’s still quite a bit ahead of you!
Go back to the crochet project you started and free the cat from the foundation chain. You might need to use the scissors again here. Careful! The claws should stay on the cat! If the scissors got into the foundation chain: unravel it! (You should practice this again and again, because you’ll need to do it quite a few more times as we go along!)

Absolutely hilarious—you guys are great. Josefa, that really reminded me of when I was just starting out not all that long ago (4 years ago). And I have a wool-crazy cat like that too. So crocheting up some courage isn’t such unfamiliar territory after all.

Dear Josefa,

What a wonderful pattern! Luckily, our cat has spared my foundation chains so far—she’s more interested in the balls of yarn!
To continue: Keep a close eye on things and definitely try to keep the cat away from the unraveled yarn—those beautifully curling threads make far too wonderful a toy! 

Wow, that’s the amusement of the evening—simply delightful! :-) Josefa, you really have a talent for writing a different kind of crochet book.

And everyone who’s continued the story so far—super amusing!

Then I’ll add another sentence:

To get enough practice with unraveling and cutting, be sure to buy more yarn! You might need quite a bit. Best to get it in lots of colors right away, because a cat wrapped in colorful yarn—now that’s something. ;-) Maybe this work of art could be used for the next summer campaign?

(Haha, this is wonderful here!)

Now that the first row of chocolate has been eaten, the first row of single crochet stitches follows, which will have a slightly destructive effect on your foundation chain. Nevertheless, the next step is essential for your crochet project to thrive. So, take a deeeep breath, ignore the cat, tuck your tongue between the teeth on the left, and insert the crochet hook into the second-to-last chain stitch. Three, two, one... Now! Nooow!!

(Greetings, Caro)

(P.S. Follow Josefa now, too... hehe... no, we’re not putting any pressure on you *grin*)

Okay, I’ll keep trying…

Now that we’re at the second chain from the hook, it’s suddenly not so clear anymore whether that really is the second chain. Do I count the loop on the hook? Or do I start counting with the first chain next to the hook? How did that go again?
So off to the computer—there’s bound to be a video somewhere that can help me out.
On the way there, the dog (we don’t have a cat) stops you and urgently needs some peeeetting.

That was off the mark, sorry. So, here’s another try. Before you lose your nerve, make sure you have enough comfort food! Then please watch a YouTube video on “How do I free my ball of yarn from the cat’s claws?” (or, alternatively, fill the cat’s bowl with food) and then carefully pull the crochet hook out of the wrong chain stitch. It’s possible that the yarn may accidentally wrap around the crochet hook several times in the process. Unwind it again before you tackle the project’s single crochet stitch once more.

If this keeps up, Josefa will soon feel like she’s being followed :-)

You guys are too good! Hilarious! *wipes away tears of laughter*

Now you should perhaps take a moment to think about what you actually want to crochet. The best way to do that is to go to the Crazy Patterns page. Allow yourself plenty of time, because there’s a lot to see there. So you won’t be disturbed, it’s best to let the cat have the yarn with the crochet project you’ve started again, make yourself a cup of coffee (or tea, Prosecco, etc.) and get yourself another piece of chocolate.
Remember: creativity needs plenty of breaks, otherwise it won’t work out!

After enough chocolate and other comfort food, it’s time to move on to the next single crochet stitch. By now, you’ve watched enough videos to know which hole—or rather, which stitch—to insert the hook into.
Hooray, the row is finished! What a celebration, what a tremendous achievement!
Your first crochet project is taking shape, even if only very tentatively...
In any case, the foundation is laid.

This monumental achievement must be celebrated!
So, before finishing the first crochet row, make sure you have plenty of prosecco (if not champagne), chocolate of course, and maybe even a cake. You definitely need to get into the celebratory spirit.

Once the bottle of champagne is empty, I recommend postponing the rest of the project until tomorrow. Put the single crochet stitches away somewhere the cat can’t reach them and go to sleep. While you’re a little tipsy, inspiration will surely strike overnight about what this whole thing is supposed to be. You might want to have a headache pill ready for tomorrow.

I’m laughing my head off right now. What a hilariously written pattern story. It’s amazing.



So I’ll keep writing. After you’ve had a good night’s sleep and are well-rested (without any pills), it’s time to get up. Just don’t dawdle in the bathroom too long—after all, the crochet project has to be finished at some point.
Of course, it’s better with a nice hot cappuccino, some yarn, and that crochet hook.
With this beautiful weather, you can sit comfortably on the patio, but be careful : pigeons and magpies are circling around here (they really are flying around here) and they’re after your yarn.
So quickly crochet one more row of single crochet stitches before the actual pattern begins.

Awesome—that’s what I call an “alternative CAL” or something like that...
I’ll just keep going:

But be warned: anyone who crochets more stitches might get addicted! Help is available at www.suchthilfe.....
Well, maybe it helps to give the crochet hook a shower... Or maybe not?

.....yeah, yeah. Rinsing the hook helped. Without chocolate, the hook glides through the yarn much more easily.
My fingers are clean now, too. I’ve got to add that to my list right away. Crocheting is so much easier with clean fingers and hooks!

Now you’re sitting there with your first two rows and realize you still haven’t decided what this is actually supposed to be.
Thankfully, that’s what sisters (moms, friends, the Crazypatterns forum, etc.) are for—you can quickly ask them for advice on what you could crochet from it.

You finally got over your hesitation and asked your female relatives for advice. That was a really important step.

You’ve probably jotted down lots of suggestions on your saved list and now have a list that goes on forever… but there’s just one problem: what are you going to do with this list? Work through it from top to bottom? Or pick something out? And what did they say: double crochet??? What on earth is that now?

The best thing to do is take your piece with the two rows of single crochet, lay it down next to you, and open a bag of chips (we already had chocolate and noticed it’s not good for the needle or your little fingers)

  So, you’re ready for the next step: wait for your man, and as soon as he walks into the room, sigh loudly… roll your eyes, and go through the list of suggestions with him over the bag of chips. It’s going to be a long, cozy evening, and it’ll give you strength for the next day, when you’ll watch the next videos—because you need double crochet! 

Bright-eyed and ready for anything, though not very well rested—after all, it had been a long evening, and as everyone knows, you can’t enjoy chips without enough liquid (a nice glass of wine always goes with that!)) you start up your computer the next morning to find out what those ominous double crochets are all about. But you didn’t count on your curious cat: she finds videos fascinating, even when there are no mice or birds in them, not even dogs or fellow cats, and has made herself comfortable on your keyboard. Since you don’t want to shoo your little tiger away, you first bike over to the nearest yarn shop, because your project is still missing a special pink!

That was a really good idea. Because at the yarn shop, you’re bound to run into one or two people who know how to crochet. You could ask them whether one of them would be kind enough to show you how to do double crochet.
After all, that’s much clearer than on a computer screen. And the best part is, you can ask questions right then and there.

Said and done—the friendly lady in front of the luxury yarns agrees to explain double crochet. It’s not that hard, you realize, and, delighted by your newfound knowledge, you immediately add the beautiful, hand-dyed alpaca yarn to your shopping bag—10 skeins of it, because after all, you don’t just want to crochet two rows; you might as well go all out. When you go to buy some chips afterward, you opt for the cheap brand to recoup your costs.

Back home, you first spend a good long time admiring the gorgeous, expensive yarn while munching on some cheap chips. Then you grab the right crochet hook, settle in comfortably under the shady apple tree in the garden, take three deep breaths—and off you go! Chain foundation: no problem, since you’ve practiced it several times already and the cat is dozing somewhere nearby. You get the single crochet stitches right again after a few tries, but the double crochet? It looked so easy when you watched someone do it in the store, but now… To make matters worse, the cat shows up now, too. She really likes the new yarn, too, and soon you can hardly tell the cat from the yarn anymore…

And at that very moment, the unthinkable happens: the blackbird, which has been watching the scene from the branch above you for some time now, chirping merrily to itself, does its business. Oh my goodness! A big brown smear is plastered on your forehead—at least it’s not on that expensive wool! You think you hear the cat giggling, drop everything, and run into the house to assess the damage.

But when you come back, oh dear, what do your eyes see? That cat has actually made itself comfortable on your crochet project.
Now it’s time to separate the two and count the stitches again so you can keep crocheting.